My friend recently moved into an HR job. She’s slowly growing the thick skin required to survive in the job, and is starting to laugh at some of the most insane parts of a typical HR day. Yesterday, she sent me this.

A little context – This company only hires chemical engineers. Every job posting and their web site make it clear as day. She made the mistake of taking the guy’s call when he wanted to know why he didn’t get a response when he first applied, and told him to apply again.  She read the resume, and saw he was not  qualified for the role since he’s an architect, not a chem E.  Rather than leaving it for the equally overwhelmed recruiter, she send the company’s “No fit” response immediately.

Here’s what she sent him in response to his resume.

Thank you for submitting your resume to <Company Name> for consideration.
We are fortunate to have many qualified candidates apply to each of our positions. We have reviewed the qualifications of each candidate and after careful consideration, we have determined that the credentials of another candidate better fits our needs right now.  Getting a “no” letter can be discouraging, but having been on the other side of this process, we know it’s better to hear something than nothing at all.
Please accept our best wishes and thank you for your interest in <Company Name.> Stay in touch if we can do anything more for you.

Three days later, she got this:

Dear Ms. <Name Changed,>

You may remember we personally spoke on the telephone June 10, 2011.  I was interested in applying for the Chemical Engineering position with <Company Name US City> office, and on your recommendation I sent you a cover letter and vitae.  Your courteous-sounding response letter suggested a number of people collectively reviewed my application and had given it “careful consideration.”  However, your message was sent only 13 minutes after I sent my cover letter and vitae to your office email address.  That is hardly enough time to even read it, much less share it with anyone, and certainly not enough time to fairly consider it.  Do you really expect me to take seriously your thoughtless, empty form letter after you evade your job’s duties? And that was after you admitted your office lost my first application.  While incompetent and irresponsible people like you are paid salaries to not properly do their jobs, there are probably many people like myself who prepared, educated, skilled, and responsible enough to do real work and actually earn salaries.  It is not even slightly fair a mendacious idiot like you is employed and I am not. You cannot pretend you are providing a fair review to applications in 13 minutes time.  It is disrespectful and flagrantly insincere to do so.

Cordially,

<Job #Winner>

(I bolded the best bits. “Mendacious idiot,” that’s pretty good, right? I might have to get her new business cards with that title.)

People. If you are looking for a job, this is NOT the way to do it. I wouldn’t hire this guy to cut my lawn, let alone make my coworkers and customers deal with him. Epic flameouts to future potential employers show judgement and maturity problems of the first order.

My friend is going to be fine. She is just learning that if you go into HR, learning to laugh is a key component to getting the job done.